Us: A If I Break (Her) Story Page 5

  “Babe, where are you?” she asks, her voice sounding slightly weak, like she’s sick.

  “I’m with Blue,” I say coldly. From her pause it clearly throws her off guard.

  “That’s good, great actually. I don’t want you to be upset but I was in accident. I’m at Rush University—” she says, and all the anger and resentment that started to course through my veins fades.

  “You were in an accident?!” I interrupt, standing from the booth. Blue looks on worriedly.

  “I was hit by a car, but I’m okay.” She sounds way too cheerful for someone who has been in an accident and could have been killed, but I’m already heading out the door. Blue’s taken my cue and is already behind me.

  “I’m on my way,” I tell her before hanging up.

  “What’s going on?” he asks, and I quickly tell him what Megan told me. He looks just as upset as I am.

  “I’ll drive,” he says as we head to his black Challenger.

  We’re both quiet on the ride over to the hospital, ignoring the humungous elephant in the room. I want to ask him what the hell he meant about Megan knowing about Ian and him lying to everyone, but I try to push all of that from my head because Megan needs me. Knowing she was in an accident while I was snooping through her past and trying to get one of her friends to dig up dirt on her, while she was hurt and in the hospital, makes me feel sick.

  None of it matters anyway because I love her. Regardless of her past, regardless of this Ian guy. The fact is Megan loves me and I’m who she calls when she’s in need. We’ll work out everything else later. Her and I, we’ll push through all of this crap together.

  Blue parks the car while I go to check in. I let the clerk know that she’ll have a friend coming up in a little while as well. I head straight up, my nerves already in my stomach, and they multiply when I see we’re in the psychiatric ward of the hospital. I don’t know why she’s in this section if she was hit by a car, but it’s a reminder that my perfect girl isn’t exactly perfect and that she suffers from something real.

  I check in at another desk, showing my ID and listening to the rules which play through my mind like background music. I’m told I can’t take my cell phone in and am given a quick check for unsafe items. Once it’s over I’m led down to her room by a nurse who makes small talk since Megan’s room is all the way at the end of the unit. I wait for the nurse to scan a key to get in. My heart stammers.

  It’s another reminder that not only is she in the hospital because she was hurt, but she’s here to be kept safe…from herself.

  “Your guest is here Megan,” the nurse announces. When I see Megan sitting up in bed—her face just a little swollen, her body connected to a machine and IVs—I have to stop myself from running to her and taking her in my arms.

  “Let me know if you all need anything,” the nurse says before leaving us alone. Megan beams at me.

  “I’m such a klutz huh?” she jokes. I rush over to her but carefully embrace her to make sure I don’t hurt her in any way.

  “What the hell happened babe?” I ask, the weight of concern and worry surrounding my tone.

  “I was walking across the street. I wasn’t paying any attention and a car came out of nowhere,” she explains, squeezing my hand in hers. Her tone is light, almost matter-of-fact. I don’t understand how she’s so calm about this.

  “Did they arrest the driver?”

  She shakes her head. “It was my fault Kam. I was running and didn’t see. It was just really stupid. It wasn’t the driver’s fault,” she explains, sounding embarrassed. I let out a deep sigh, take her in my arms again, and kiss her forehead.

  “You could have been killed,” I whisper, holding her close.

  “I’m fine, I promise. All of this is just for caution. I don’t have any internal injuries, not even a broken bone. Just some bruising,” she tells me, her eyes light and full of joy, and it makes me curious.

  “You’re awfully happy for someone who was just slammed to concrete,” I say, but my own mood is lifting seeing how good hers is. Though her being hit by a car doesn’t explain why she’s in a psych ward.

  “Why do they have you here Megs?” I ask cautiously, briefly glancing around the room. As I do I notice this isn’t a standard patient’s room, it’s more like a hotel suite.

  “Some of the witnesses seem to have thought that I purposely ran in front of the car and with my psychiatric history, it was standard,” she explains, her face reddening a bit. I frown, not wanting her to be embarrassed about it.

  “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, okay?” I assure her, and she nods with a half-smile.

  “I just feel like such an idiot. Who runs into the street without looking?” she squeaks, trying to laugh it off, but I can see her nervousness and a sliver of fear.

  “Is that all that happened?” I ask her. Her eyes flit to mine and the fear I see almost multiplies.

  “Sweetheart you can tell me anything, you know that,” I tell her, squeezing her hands again…my heart is slamming against my chest. Did she run in front of the car on purpose? I kick the thought out of my head. Megan may battle mental issues but she’s not suicidal. She looks up into my eyes, determined, and I can tell she’s struggling to tell me something so I try to smile at her encouragingly.

  “I’d just had an argument with someone from my past,” she says quietly. I feel my brow arch up to my forehead, her past instantly reminding me of the conversation that was interrupted with Blue. I nod for her to go on but then a voice comes over the intercom.

  “Megan you have another guest, a Joshua Stokes.” Megan’s face lights up in surprise, but then she frowns.

  “Blue’s here?” she asks quietly, and I’m not sure if she’s happy he’s here or annoyed.

  “We were together,” I admit.

  She looks at me curiously. “Well that was certainly convenient, but why?” she asks, surprised.

  “Would you like to see him?” the voice on the intercom interjects before I answer. Megan pauses, peering at me before giving the nurse the okay for him to come up. I wish she wouldn’t have. I suddenly wish I wasn’t with him and it was just me here because I have a feeling Megan was about to tell me something that she probably won’t since Blue’s about to be the third wheel.

  “Why were you together?” she asks again. I think of what to say to her. I can’t tell her exactly why I was with him, but will he tell her?

  “I wanted him to do a job for me,” I admit, leaving out the specifics.

  “A job?” she asks. I don’t know if I’m being paranoid, but she sounds suspicious.

  “Yeah, look into a person my dad told me about…” I trail off. It’s the truth, just not all of it.

  Not a lie though.

  “Oh,” she says softly. I can tell she want to question me further about it but I give her a soft kiss instead.

  “I’m so glad you’re okay,” I tell her with her face in both my hands. She smiles at me, the suspicion I saw earlier gone in an instant.

  “I’m glad you’re here.”

  “You’re a popular lady,” the older nurse jokes and winks when she comes in with Blue, looking between me and him.

  “You look like shit,” Blue jokes. Megan’s face breaks into a grin before he comes over and gives her a brotherly hug.

  “I feel like it a little bit,” she jokes back. Him and I exchange glances and I try to silently tell him that now isn’t the time to address what we were talking about if he’s thinking of it. He sits on the sofa a few inches from Megan’s bed.

  “Thank you for coming Blue,” she tells him sincerely.

  “I was in town anyway,” he says with a shrug.

  “I heard. Kam was telling me about the job he was hiring you for,” she says easily, and me and Blue lock eyes. Without words, I can tell he wants to know what all I said, and I’m trying to communicate that I didn’t say anything, and for him to keep quiet.

  “Okay guys, what’s going on?” Megan asks, her voice tighter than
normal. Blue glues his eyes to his lap and she glares at me. I let out a sigh.

  “I think we should talk about it later Megan,” I tell her.

  “Why later? Why not now?” she asks tensely.

  “Because look at where we are,” I quip back, rubbing the middle of my forehead.

  “I’m fine! I’ll be going home in two days. I told you all of this is just a precaution okay? Kam, please don’t patronize me,” she says beseechingly.

  “He’s right, it’d probably be better to talk about once you’re out of here,” Blue adds, his voice low and constrained. Now she’s looking between us wildly.

  “What!?” she almost screeches, her voice high and tense.

  “Kam wanted me to look up Ian, Meg,” Blue finally blurts out. I scowl at him. Megan looks like a deer in headlights. I hear her let out the smallest breath, her face starting to redden.

  “How do you know about Ian?” she says quietly, but she’s still looking at Blue. The hesitation I had is starting to transform into annoyance, especially replaying what Blue said to me in the diner.

  “My dad called me today and said that there’s a record for a marriage between this Ian guy and Alana, and I wanted to find out more about him,” I tell her, emboldened by the fact that she hasn’t denied knowing who Ian is. She knows him and hasn’t said a word to me about it.

  The tension in the room has gone up several notches, especially since I see her and Blue having a silent conversation that they haven’t brought me in on.

  “You knew about him,” I ask, but it’s more of a statement. She’s taken her lip in between her teeth, and I feel anger starting to come from the pit of my stomach and work its way up to my chest. But I let out a small breath, remembering what her therapist said about causing her stress, and being patient and giving her time to come to terms with things, yet it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done to keep my mouth shut and not start yelling my head off.

  “Blue can you excuse us?” Megan asks quietly. I glance over at him, almost wanting to tell him to not go anywhere. It seems like they’ve both been keeping secrets and hiding shit from me, and I want it all laid out right here, right now.

  “Are you sure?” he asks. Now I’m upset.

  “Yes she’s sure. Goodbye Blue!” I say, my voice loud and stern.

  Now I want him gone. I want whatever little secret society talks they’ve had to be done with. I feel jealousy surging through me because Blue knew about Ian. He probably knows a hell of a lot more about this whole situation than I do. Why wouldn’t she tell me? Why can’t she trust me? Blue looks at me, a mixture of guilt and defiance on his face. I thread my fingers together to keep from grabbing him and once the door shuts I glare at her. I see tears behind my eyes, I feel my throat start to constrict. I’m afraid of what she’s about to say, but then she doesn’t say anything.

  “It’s true?” I ask her, and she nods as a tear slips from her eye.

  There it is. My worst fear come true. There was someone else. Someone else that loved her, that had her body. I can’t even imagine that they had her heart.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” My voice is cold; my attempt to add warmth to it failed completely.

  “Because…I was afraid. Afraid to lose you, afraid you’d think I was a liar, that you couldn’t move past it.” Multiple tears are coming from her eyes now, and I feel wetness in my own but I won’t let any fall.

  “When did you find out?” I ask her, trying to still my voice and not let it come off too loud or harsh. I want to keep her calm and talking.

  “The first day I arrived in Chicago,” she mutters. I’m biting my lip now. That was almost three months ago!

  “I didn’t know if it was true at first. It was before I even knew about my condition, before I came to terms with Alana. I didn’t know if it was real or not Kam, you have to believe me,” she says, her tone pleading.

  “But that was over three months ago Megan.”

  “I know. It was why I didn’t want you to see me. Because I felt so guilty and confused.”

  I stand up, grab a box of Kleenex from the table, and hand it to her. She takes a few gratefully and blows her nose, then wipes her eyes. I stand and cross my arms, staring at the floor.

  “What made you change your mind?” I ask, keeping my voice even, wanting her to say something that will melt the ice I feel spreading across my heart. Wanting her to silence my father’s voice in my head, the doubts creeping in, the suspicion coursing through my veins.

  “It was after I started treatment with Dr. Lyce. I was able to understand that it wasn’t me, that it was her, and that we’re not the same. That with treatment and therapy that I could have a good life, that I could build a life with someone I love…and you’re the only person I’ve ever loved Kam. I was going to tell you. I wanted to do it with Dr. Lyce, so she could help you understand, help me understand.” Her voice is so broken and her expression so pained I don’t worry about the coldness I previously felt. My heart is melting now that she looks devastated. I knew that Megan loved me but seeing her now at the thought of losing me makes me not question it, regardless of what’s happened. None of it matters, nothing is more important than us being together, making it through this. I pull her into my arms and kiss her tears away.

  “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you,” she chokes out.

  I tell her it’s okay, to calm down and not get too worked up, that I’m here and not going anywhere. I tell her that we’ll sit down with Helen how she wanted, that we’ll push past this and make it through, that everything will be okay. I comfort her by stroking her back and kissing her cheeks and lips, and before long the nurse from earlier is back explaining visiting hours are over. I tell Megan I love her and to get some rest, and that I’ll be back the next morning as soon as I’m allowed.

  When I leave her room I see Blue in the waiting area. I walk up to him and he stands. I can tell he’s trying to read my face and preparing for whatever I bring his way. I stuff my hands in my pockets as I walk over to him.

  “You said this Ian guy was your cousin?” I ask him tightly. He nods, our eyes leveled on each other.

  “So you bring her to Chicago to meet your cousin without having a clue she was married to him?” I ask, rubbing my chin. He looks away from me.

  “It wasn’t like that,” he mutters, but I know he’s full of shit.

  “Tell me what it’s like then,” I demand.

  “It’s a conversation we all need to have,” he says and I laugh mirthlessly. There isn’t going to be any more conversations with all of us.

  “Look, I appreciate you being there for Megan,” I tell him sincerely, and he nods slightly.

  “But something about this doesn’t sit right with me. Just so you know, I’m going to be the one here for Megan now. For the shitty parts, the good parts…whatever she’s about to face, we’re going to do it together. Her and I, we’re an us and you aren’t a part of it. I can’t make her not be your friend but as a man, I need you to stay out of things you shouldn’t be involved in.” I see his face harden but what the hell can he say?

  He’s her friend, that’s it.

  He may not want to be with Katy but he needs to find somebody else to save because Megan doesn’t need him. He’s not her white knight—I am. He glares at me and for a moment I think he wants to punch me but whatever it is that I see him fighting with he swallows down.

  “I got it,” he says, throwing his hands up in a truce.

  “I’ll make my own way back,” I tell him before walking away. Blue and I were always cool before this happened. I thought he was good for my sister, a decent guy. Now I don’t know what to think. I do know his loyalty doesn’t lie with me and that’s fine but I won’t stand for him to do anything that interferes with me and Megan’s relationship. He’s not going to be a gatekeeper anymore, we don’t need that.

  It’s us—me and her—against the world.

  7

  Lauren

  When Megan showed up at
the doorstep of the gallery I almost swallowed my heart in my throat. I was beyond shocked when she said Cal was her brother but right hand to God I was just relieved she wasn’t a girlfriend or long lost fiancé. After my adrenaline and relief wore off I realized it was still a world-quaking revelation. That the beautiful girl who stood in front of me was my husband’s sister and that her entering our atmosphere could change everything. For a split second the selfish part of me, I’m embarrassed to say, wanted to wish her away because she would be a new factor, another variable to the fragile balance we finally had come to. Nothing about Cal has ever been easy, simple, or straightforward. If she was telling the truth it could change everything. Regardless of how Cal reacted to her initially, one thing I know is how important family is to him, and how protective he can be. Then I realized that I was so wrong to even think that. I realized it’s true that she is a part of a family tree he never had a glimpse of.

  Megan was lost and searching for a connection, a piece of herself. I can understand that. Growing up without my parents was extremely difficult. I didn’t have a mom who could tell me about the boys who broke her heart and made her smile, and not having a dad to tell me I was kind and beautiful and that Prince Charming would come along one day. But I was blessed to have my aunt Raven. She was the best of both worlds. Even though my parents weren’t around, I was still connected to them. I had pictures and cousins and an aunt who kept their memory alive. Neither Megan or Cal had what I had—a connection that tethered them to the people who brought them into this world—but even Cal had Mr. and Ms. Scott, and it broke my heart when I found out Megan had no one.